Wednesday, September 2, 2009

What first comes to mind when you think of the word “space”? Is it internal or external space that you imagine? Do you think of stars and solar systems? Do you think of time? Do you think about your toddler invading your privacy in the bathroom, or the foul smelling person squished up next to your body in the subway?

When I think of space, I imagine the place that I am in now, and all of the spaces in which I have lived. I also think of the space in my mind and in my heart where I can breathe, and where I can hear my own voice. I think about the kind of space I need to be able to hear God’s voice.

A space can be very deceiving when viewed only from the outside. It can look a lot bigger or smaller than it truly is. It can look dingy on the outside and beautiful from within, or vice versa. Perhaps there is a long line and a velvet rope on the outside, but once you enter the space you are unimpressed. The space contained within a camping tent can be more comfortable, in some ways, that all of the space contained within a multi-million dollar estate.

Sometimes I also think of space as the distance between two stages or major events in life. The space my husband and I shared as newlyweds without a child was nine months. I also experienced a nine month space between my two pregnancies. The space between high school graduation and law school graduation seemed very large, indeed. The space between my former professional life and my current domestic life seems gigantic.

Everyone experiences space in a unique way. I like the space where I am right now. I am on a break from hard study and hard paycheck work. I am on a break from spacepectations.

I exist in a rented, three bedroom, one bathroom space with a soon to be 32 year old man, a 1 year old boy and a 2 year old boy. The space needs a paint job on the outside, but it’s open, clean and bright on the inside. I can see the river and the sunsets through my windows. Unlike prior spaces where I have lived, I felt the loving energy of this space from the moment I first entered the door. I have had nightmares about the spaces I experienced during childhood, even though they may have looked nice on the outside.

My internal space is under constant renovation. I like it more and more. I am finding things inside that I had never known were there. When it is quiet in that space, I can hear my true thoughts. I can hear the voices of loving people in my life. I experience telepathy. I experience peace. I experience acceptance for the first time. I can feel God’s ever present love and the heartbeat of the Universe. I sense a growing power. I anticipate healing, and how it might feel.

Outside of my space, I can hear the cicadas. I think about how the space around us continues to change, and begin to welcome the autumn of the year.

May your space be blessed, and may you experience peace within it.

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