Say It Like You Mean It

Let your yes mean yes and your no mean no. Anything other than this comes from the evil one. -Matthew 5:37, Common English Bible.

For many years I have wanted to grasp the precise meaning of this teaching. Yesterday the meaning came to me after giving a short talk on boundaries and authenticity. I "teach" to learn. Anything I am teaching is an exploration of what I am trying to learn.

Recently Kino Macgregor posted a brief lesson about Susima, a Sanskrit word for solid boundaries. An essential part of self-actualization is learning to walk the balance beam between extremes, finding the equilibrium of our inner authority so we don't over-extend ourselves on the one hand, or shy away from opportunities to grow and serve on the other hand. Kino wrote about people who always say yes, and others who always say no. Some of us are extreme people-pleasers and others are extreme skeptics, averse to any risk. Still others are balanced in their relationships and commitments. I have traditionally fallen into the "always yes" camp, and am learning the hard way that my "yes" really needs to mean "yes!" My best intentions fall apart when my "yes" is inauthentic.

How do we know which is right in any given moment, "yes," or "no?" Yesterday in class when we posed this question for discussion, a woman named Karen said it has to do with our inner authority--before giving an authentic answer, we have to go within to feel our way forward. We structured the remainder of our class around feeling our way through our yoga practice, taking the modifications that were right for us individually and connecting to our inner authority on our yoga mat. I loved watching the great variation in poses as people felt free to explore and do what felt to good them, sometimes saying "no" to a pose I offered, other times responding with an emphatic "yes," going deeper than usual in a particular pose.

At the end of class we drew a circle in our mind's eye around our mat, creating a mental and physical safe space to go within and rest in our seat of inner authority. Knowing, remembering what it feels like to be connected within, we're better able to create healthy boundaries in our daily life; like saying "yes" to helping a friend move, truly intending to extend ourselves in that effort, or saying "no" to a colleague when asked to replace someone on a project that's not a good fit for our talents or interests. You can think of your own real life examples. Just yesterday I said "yes" without thinking when a prospective client asked to book a next day private session, glossing right over my own doctor's appointment. This left me with a decision, do I cancel my own health maintenance appointment to keep a hastily made commitment? That's not a good place to be. My yes did not come from a place of inner authority, but from an autopilot program running in my mind. A no in that instance would have better served me and my client as well. Sometimes meaning what we say is simply a matter of slowing down enough to respond authentically.

As we learn to pay attention to our inner signals, like how we feel in our bodies and emotions when asked to do something, we respond with authority and presence, meaning what we say and saying what we mean.

Authenticity on and off our yoga mat, in our home, workplace and community, is the fruit of deep inner cultivation. The avoidance of broken and empty promises, missed opportunities and failed commitments is possible when we are internally connected, living from a firm foundation of inner authority.

Celebrate Your Independence

This week in the US we will celebrate our July 4th holiday, a commemoration of our nation's independence from a controlling Colonial power. We will barbecue, display our flags and wear red, white and blue. This holiday brings a word to mind, lauded and proclaimed in patriotic songs: Freedom. Let freedom ring! Freedom is an intrinsic American value.

Independence is synonymous with freedom. Independence from what?

I want to live and die free. Yet like most of us, I often find myself bogged down or entangled. Many of us feel beholden to a job, an employer, even a family. We all have obligations. Our movements cannot always be free; or can they?

Even if we can't always go exactly where we want or grow money trees in our backyards, we are able to free ourselves internally. We can work towards freeing our minds and emotions. Yoga is a practice I use to emancipate myself from inner slavery, like Bob Marley sang in Redemption Song.

There are three Sanskrit words I associate with freedom, even though many more exist. The three words I think of are moksha, vairagya and kaivalya. We can find these words in the Yoga Sutras and the Bhagavad Gita. 

Moksha describes liberation in the truest and deepest sense, a spiritual and mental freedom releasing us from the cycle of death and rebirth that Hindus believe in. In more Western terms, we can think of moksha as a final liberation from the consequences of our actions and from the heaviness of our burden of existence. Christians use the term "salvation" to describe this kind of freedom.

Vairagya is the freedom from all worldly desires, a state of non-attachment to the fruits of our actions. Sutra 1.12 of Patanjali's Yoga Sutras, abhyasa-vairagyabhyam tan nirodhah says that we can free our minds through dedicated action without attachment to outcomes or results. A simpler translation is practice or work without attachment. This means doing our duty, giving our best effort, yet releasing expectations. In the Bhagavad Gita, Lord Krishna teaches Arjuna to work without attachment. In Chapter 3, he says, "by working without attachment, one attains the Supreme."

Kaivalya means real independence, and is translated as "isolation," but it does not mean loneliness. Rather, kaivalya is a state of freedom from entanglements, wordly desires and egoism. A person who achieves kaivalya is called a Kevalin, someone who knows how to live in the world without being enslaved to it, just as Jesus Christ talked about being in the world, but not of it.

The simplest formula I can think of to apply these concepts to my life is living life to the fullest without clinging to expectations. Show up, and expect nothing.

This path to inner emancipation applies to both active and passive pursuits. It is easier to see how it applies to your work or your yoga practice. Do your best and let that be your reward; don't expect perfection or applause; don't be greedy; don't be a show-off; instead give without an expectation to receive; apply effort, then surrender. Do what you do for the sake of doing it, no matter what it is. The quality of being you bring to your work is more important than the reward of the work itself. Any other type of work is a form of enslavement. Even our yoga practice can enslave us if we are attached to the results.

What about the times when we rest, when we play, when we seek distraction and entertainment? We can also be freer and happier in these moments when we are able to let go of expectations. One example is going to see a film. Do you ever go to a movie without knowing anything about it? Can you simply watch a film and let it be what it is, enjoying it without expecting it to elicit particular emotions or inform you in a particular way? Sometimes I go see a movie purposefully ignoring all descriptions and reviews beforehand, so it's a like an unknown gift for me to open. I enjoy it more when there are no expectations.

Our expectations, attachments and entanglements are a trap. We give away our freedom, our peace, our joy and our power when we depend on an outcome.

Today, July 4th, every day, celebrate your own Independence Day.

The Inner Sanctum

Within a church or temple, the inner sanctum is a private, sacred and secret place. It is safe and protected.

He that dwelleth in the secret place of the Most High shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty
-Psalm 91:1, King James Version. Whoever dwells in the shelter of the Most High will find rest in the shadow of the Almighty -New International Version.

Let the yogi engage himself in yoga, remaining in a secret place by himself, with thought and self subdued, free from hope and greed.  In a pure place, established on a fixed seat of his own, neither very much raised or very low…he should restrain his mind and concentrate it on Me, and sit down engaged in devotion, regarding Me as his final goal -Bhagavad Gita, Chapter 6.

Teachers of spiritual traditions love metaphor as a teaching tool, and many describe the human body as a temple (eg. 1 Corinthians 6:19-20, Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit?).

Yoga is both a physical and a spiritual tradition. The breath work, physical postures and meditation in yoga lead us deep into our inner sanctum. In Patanjali's Yoga Sutras, the body is described as an obstacle to be transcended, but in Tantra Yoga, the body is seen as a holy vessel. The well-known Anusara yoga teacher, Christina Sell, authored the book My Body is a Temple: Yoga as a Path to Wholeness as a guide to help people reach their inner shrine through yoga practice.

My yoga practice leads me within, to a secret place where I am safe, at rest and divinely connected.

Even in a group class, practicing collectively, we are traveling on this individual journey to the inner sanctum. The niyama, one half of the ethical teachings of yoga, is a Sanskrit word that translates as "inner culture," in English. Svadhyaya is one of the five niyama, and it means study of the scriptures and of the self. The literal translation of svadhyaya is "one's own reading."

In our practice today, may we turn our attention within and find our inner sanctum, allowing our practice to lead us to that secret resting place where nothing can perturb us, the place where the soul abides.

The Jewel of the Moment

How's this for a subversive statement?
Life is not made up of milestones, but of moments. -Rose Kennedy

So often we define our life in terms of accomplishments or failures, lists on a resume, photos in an album...or when a life is over, the contents of an obituary. We reach into the past or future for the contents of our life, yet this is not living. Living is sensing, breathing, giving and receiving, showing up in the here and now.

Each journey consists of many steps, a series of discrete moments. If we're not careful, we can't see the trees for the forest. This is why we turn to practices like mindfulness and yoga, to connect to the fullness, peace and joy we find in the present moment. The quality and very essence of a life is found in the moment. This is the place where the real You and Me reside.

Each moment, each breath, each meal, each conversation, each discrete posture in yoga, all are one-of-a-kind jewels. Each has a different hue, texture and feel. Can you hold all the jewels in your hand? Can you collect them and wear them like a prize around your neck, or a crown on your head? No. You can only hold one jewel at a time in your palm. It is good to dream and plan and indulge in precious memories, but when we cling to the promise of a future reward, agonize over past failures or imagine away the gift of the moment, we're losing our treasure to jewel thieves.

You don't have to dig deep to find a gem. You just have to open your eyes and notice it.

I experienced a vivid example of this truth this morning, when I had this post written and lost all of the text. For some reason, I really like hanging onto the products of any work I do, unless it's cooking, and then I just want to eat it. I don't agonize about preserving a pie for as long as possible, defining my happiness by it. I just eat it, enjoy it, then forget about it. I wish I could do this with other parts of my life. I hang onto things. We all do. When I got up and walked away from my laptop and left my house, I accompanied my son on a field trip to a farm to study vernal pools. That experience was one jewel I held for a short time. I'm not going to dig with greedy fingers and nails to pull it out of the ground and have it set into a ring. It's gone. Now here I sit, enjoying writing. There is always enough in each moment. I am always enough.

I don't want to miss the essence of my well-lived life trying to piece together a collection of milestones, a box of clunky rocks. No one does. We want the real gems. They're ours for the taking.

“My mind then wandered. I thought of this: I thought of how every day each of us experiences a few little moments that have just a bit more resonance than other moments—we hear a word that sticks in our mind—or maybe we have a small experience that pulls us out of ourselves, if only briefly—we share a hotel elevator with a bride in her veils, say, or a stranger gives us a piece of bread to feed to the mallard ducks in the lagoon; a small child starts a conversation with us in a Dairy Queen—or we have an episode like the one I had with the M&M cars back at the Husky station.

And if we were to collect these small moments in a notebook and save them over a period of months we would see certain trends emerge from our collection—certain voices would emerge that have been trying to speak through us. We would realize that we have been having another life altogether; one we didn’t even know was going on inside us. And maybe this other life is more important than the one we think of as being real—this clunky day-to-day world of furniture and noise and metal. So just maybe it is these small silent moments which are the true story-making events of our lives.”
― Douglas Coupland, Life After God

Heal Your Heart

Just as the physical heart pumps life sustaining blood throughout the body, the spiritual heart takes love in and gives love out. When our heart is unhealthy, we are cut off from giving and receiving blessings. A hardened heart is a sickness leading to decay and death.

Learn to receive with a soft heart. "God is seated in the hearts of all," Bhagavad Gita 10:20. "Verily in the remembrance of Allah do hearts find rest," Koran 13:28. "And I will give you a new heart, and a new spirit I will put within you. And I will remove the heart of stone from your flesh and give you a heart of flesh," Ezekiel 36:26.

***

    Last night, as I was sleeping,
I dreamt — marvelous error!–
that a spring was breaking
out in my heart.
I said: Along which secret aqueduct,
Oh water, are you coming to me,
water of a new life
that I have never drunk?

      Last night, as I was sleeping,
I dreamt — marvelous error!–
that I had a beehive
here inside my heart.
And the golden bees
were making white combs
and sweet honey
from my old failures.

      Last night, as I was sleeping,
I dreamt — marvelous error!–
that a fiery sun was giving
light inside my heart.
It was fiery because I felt
warmth as from a hearth,
and sun because it gave light
and brought tears to my eyes.

      Last night, as I slept,
I dreamt — marvelous error!–
that it was God I had
here inside my heart.

Last Night as I was sleeping, Antonio Machado, translation by Robert Bly.

The Lens of Love

"My eyes are the eyes through which God sees." -Vilyat Inayat Khan

“The eye through which I see God is the same eye through which God sees me; my eye and God's eye are one eye, one seeing, one knowing, one love.” -Meister Eckhart

Whether or not you believe in God, you may believe in goodness, truth, beauty, honor and other human values. Humanists and religious people share many values in common. The quotes above may appeal to humanists, since they believe that any would-be God must live and work through humanity. 

If there is a God, and God is love, and mine are the eyes through which God sees, when I see myself, I must love myself. When I look at others, I must love them.

When I look at the world through my divine eyes, I must see that the world is good: "Then God looked over all that he had made, and he saw that it was very good!" -Genesis 1:31

I had a yoga teacher who often spoke to her students about their practice as a continual effort to clear the lens of perception, to remove the fog and the dirt, so that we could see clearly. I've heard my pastor say similar things about faith. My father has also spoken to me many times of seeing others through the eyes of love, rather than judgment. The following verses from The Yoga Sutras and the Christian Bible echo these teachings as well as the opening quotes above:

Sutra 1.41 from The Yoga Sutras: Just as the naturally pure crystal assumes shapes and colors of objects placed near it, so the Yogi’s mind, with its totally weakened modifications, becomes clear and balanced and attains the state devoid of differentiation between knower, knowable and knowledge. 

1 Corinthians 13:12: For now we see through a glass, darkly; but then, face to face; now I know in part; but then I shall know even also as I am (King James translation).

For now we are looking in a mirror that gives only a dim (blurred) reflection [of reality as in a riddle or enigma], but then [when perfection comes] we shall see in reality and face to face! Now I know in part (imperfectly), but then I shall know and understand fully and clearly, even in the same manner as I have been fully and clearly known and understood [by God] (Amplified Bible translation). 

The Sanskrit word prema means Divine Love. The Sankrit word maitri and the Pali word metta mean unconditional benevolence. The Greek word for Divine Love is agape.

Would that we could see ourselves, each other and our world through a consistent lens of Prema, Maitri, Metta, Agape. 

Your yoga, your meditation, your prayer, your mindful walks, your alone time, your worship...may all of these practices focus your gaze and refine your vision, and may you always see through the lens of love. 

The Yoga in the Mirror

"Recognize that the other person is you," is the first of Yogi Bhajan's five sutras, and a founding principle of the practice of Yoga. A critical step on the path to self-realization is seeing ourselves in others and others in ourselves.

You have heard and read that Yoga means union. The state of Yoga is the realization of unity within and without, a felt understanding that we are not separate from God, from the Universe or from one another. In the Christian Bible there is a verse written by the Apostle Paul, describing the feeling of this union: For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord," (Romans 8:38-39).

Yogis, Christians, and mystics from other traditions believe that love and unity are the true nature of reality. Based on this belief, when looking at others, we see our own face, and the face of God. But when we stop to look at the world, even just at our own hearts, there is so much strife and division. Our experiences of unity are fleeting--abundant evidence of separation and conflict appears to contradict Yoga.

Lofty ideals and spiritual experiences aside, how can we practice recognizing the other person as our self? In our day-to-day experience, is there a practical way to see ourselves, perhaps even God, in our human interactions?

In movement practices like dance and postural yoga there is a concept called mirroring; the student replicates the movement of the teacher and vice versa. The mirroring technique is also used in psychotherapy as a tool to enable the therapist to empathize with what the client is feeling. Infants mirror their parents and all of us subconsciously mirror one another. In our brains, we have specific neurons, called mirror neurons, that fire both when we perform a specific action and when we observe the same action being performed by someone else.

To further our physical, mental and spiritual growth, we can apply the practice of mirroring to our relationships and other experiences. Growth is rarely easy, and sometimes it hurts. Other times, it feels exhilarating. Using our relationships as a mirror, we'll experience both ends of this spectrum.

When we see something we dislike in another person, we experience a negative emotional reaction. This unpleasant feeling is a cue to look more deeply and recognize in that person an aspect of our self we need to heal in order to be whole. On the flip side, when we notice qualities we appreciate in someone else, it makes us feel good inside; we may feel attraction, admiration and affection. These feelings are also a prompt to appreciate the same qualities within us, to love within ourselves what we love in others. This is a blissful path to self-love and acceptance, experiencing the moments when we can say, "that's me! I love this because it resonates, because it's familiar." Carl Jung once said, "The meeting of personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed."

Ultimately the practice of mirroring leads to greater depths of empathy and compassion. The field of neuroscience has proven that our mirror neurons play an essential part in our human ability to empathize. For those of us who feel spiritually inclined, mirroring can lead to a more personal experience of God, a fervent search, seeking Him/Her in the faces of everyone we meet, in each interaction.

On a very concrete level, we can use mirroring in our postural yoga practice, in our breath work and in meditation. When we feel an aversion or an attraction to certain postures, it's a cue to go deeper, to explore and find out which aspects of our self we need to integrate, eg. do inversions scare us or do they feel exhilarating? are we restless in deep forward bends? why might we enjoy twists or arm balances but dislike standing balancing postures? which thoughts tend to recur in meditation? Most importantly: can we accept all of this with empathy and compassion?

Try some conscious mirroring, maybe for one day, or one week. Whenever you can remember, stay tuned into your feelings as you work, as you interact, as you practice yoga, and find the reflection of yourself in all you see. Use all of your experience on the path of integration. All you see and do and feel is valuable on your journey to wholeness, to unity, to Yoga.

We are the mirror, as well as the face in it. 

We are tasting the taste this minute, of eternity. 

We are pain,

and what cures pain, both.

We are the sweet cold water and the jar that pours.

I want to hold you close like a lute,

so we can cry out with loving.

You would rather throw stones at a mirror?

I am your mirror, and here are the stones. 

-Music Master - Rumi

Image credit: Mirror Me by 60's Girl, Deviant Art