Meditation on Safety

"Your life is hidden with Christ in God."  These words, from the book of Colossians in the New Testament of the Bible, came to me today during a solitary morning run.  I thought about what it means to be "hidden," and how I associate comfort and safety with that word.  Through my faith I find comfort; I believe that in spite of any contrary circumstance, appearance or feeling, I am safe. 

In meditation today, I used the words "hidden" and "safe" as mantras.  Per the teachings of the venerable Buddhist teacher Thich Nhat Hanh, I used this breathing meditation: "Breathing in, I am hidden.  Breathing out, I am safe."  In this way I settled into my practice.  After sitting for a while, in my mind's eye I saw a vision of Mary, holding her tiny child in her arms.  I love seeing the statues of Mary at my sons' school when I drop them off each morning.  They are a beautiful visual reminder of the safety I find in faith. 

Continuing to sit with ease and comfort, I then adapted the guided meditation on love from my last post.  Rather than receiving love and circulating that energy through the chakras, I combined today's focus on safety with the energy of each chakra.  The resulting affirmations are powerful thoughts that help to release long-held fears:

1. 1st/root chakra: I am safely rooted.
2. 2nd/sacral chakra: I form and maintain safe connections with others.
3. 3rd/solar plexus chakra: I act and accomplish from a place of safety.
4. 4th/heart chakra:  It is safe for me to feel; I safely experience my true feelings.
5. 5th/throat chakra: It is safe for me to express myself.
6. 6th/third eye chakra: I know that I am safe. It is safe for me to follow my intuition.
7. 7th/crown chakra: My safety comes from the Source of All. My life is hidden in God. 

Guided Meditation: Moving Love Through Your Chakras

Now that preschool has started for my boys, I am able to carve out a bit of time for meditation during the day.  It is truly time well spent, as it makes the rest of the day flow with more ease and comfort.  Today I focused on the energy of love, connecting with that energy and allowing love to flow in through my crown chakra to energize each chakra up and down the spine, and the whole of my being: mind, body and spirit. 

Anyone could practice the following meditation to circulate love through the chakras.  There is no particular time requirement.  I set a timer for 24 minutes, exactly the amount of time I could meditate without distraction.  So that you can get quiet and focused, and still have time remaining to pay attention to each chakra, I would recommend a minimum of ten minutes. 

1. Begin by sitting comfortably and closing the eyes.  I sit in sukhasana, a fancy term for criss-cross applesauce with a straight spine and the hands resting comfortably on the thighs.  Many people prefer to sit with their feet on the floor in a comfortable chair. 
2. Bring ease to your breath by taking several soothing inhalations and exhalations.  You may breathe in through the nose and out through the mouth, or if you prefer to keep the mouth closed, breathe in and out through the nose making sure to relax the jaw.  
3. Clear your mind of habitual thoughts and restlessness by repeating the following mantra to yourself.  First, as you breathe in and out, “I am clear. I am clear. I am clear…” Then, simply, “Clear. Clear. Clear. Clear.”  Visualize the surface of a clear pond or pool, with no waves and no ripples, or envision a perfectly clear sky.
4. Begin at your root chakra, located at the base of your spine.  As you inhale, focus on being rooted, or grounded, right where you are.  Sense your connection to the Earth, to the ground.  To light up this chakra, repeat this internal mantra, breathing in, “I am rooted,” breathing out, “I am here.” Do this several times.  This practice grounds your energy and focus for the rest of your practice.
5. Next, connect with the energy of love that is always available to us from Source (God, the Universe).  Envision the following: in the space directly above you is an orb of golden light.  It is the light of love, flowing to you from your Higher Self, the divine within you.  You are opening up your being, from the top of your head down to the base of your spine, so that you can bring this loving energy into the whole of you. 
6. Bring the attention back to the breath, as you will use each remaining inhalation and exhalation to circulate the energy of love through your chakras, up, and then down, continuing in a seamless cycle.  You are pulling love in and moving it up and down your chakras. 
7. Breathing in and out, as you envision each chakra, speak the following mantras in your mind:

·         1^st, or Root chakra: I am rooted in love.

·         2^nd, or Sacral chakra: I connect with love.

·         3rd chakra, or Solar Plexus: I act with love.

·         4^th, or Heart chakra: I feel love.

·         5^th, or Throat chakra: I speak love.

·         6^th chakra, or Third Eye: I know love.

·         7^th, or Crown chakra: I understand love.

For additional pranayama practice (control of the breath in meditation), try to extend each inhalation so that you can go through all seven mantras and envision the chakras, so that at the beginning of your inhalation you say, “I am rooted in love,” and at the top of your breath, you finish, “I understand love.” As you exhale, you envision the golden light energy of love moving back down your spine, from the crown chakra to the root chakra, repeating each mantra in reverse order.  If you do this, the time of each complete breath cycle is 15-20 seconds. 

This practice brought me such sweetness, joy and comfort…in under half an hour.  

The Good in Goodbye

My yoga class today was exceptionally enlightening and uplifting, to the point that I feel compelled to share the lesson.  My teacher shared with us the experience of taking her second son to college last week.  She was absent from our classes when she drove him to school.  She had spoken to us of her trepidation surrounding this major step in her life.  Today, at the beginning of class, she shared her struggle with us, in tears.  She said that like everything in life, “this too shall pass,” and “the only thing we can truly expect in this life is change.”  What really stood out in her words today was this: we all have to let go of experiences, stages, and even people we love.  While it is often easy to let go of what seems bad, we also have to let of go things in our lives that are good, when the time comes; and this prepares us to receive new blessings. 

Letting go of the good in our lives…that is tough to accept!  One man in the class had also dropped his daughter off at college last week, and he said, “What we are letting go of is our parental role of being their constant protector.  My daughter was sick when I took her to college, and it was hard for me to leave because I just wanted to stay there and take care of her.  But now she is taking care of herself and that role for me has ended, for the most part.  Now it’s time for something else.”  An elderly woman chimed in, “when one door closes, another door always opens.” 

My teacher’s open sharing of her sadness touched my heart.  She said that during the past few weeks the sorrow of letting go had continued to surface for her, but she pushed it down repeatedly to appear strong for her husband and children.  She said that the feelings were there, and the tears would rise up to her throat but she would push them back down into the area of her heart and chest, which made her literally sick.  Now she is letting it out and modeling that freedom for her students.  I loved that she spoke about learning to let go of the good things that come into our lives, blessings and experiences that we wish to hold onto. 

My children are still little, only 3 and 4 years of age.  So I have a long time before I have to let them spread their wings and fly away from home.  But I also have a few good things in my life that need to fly away, free.  In class today, I shed a few tears when that realization fully dawned.  I have also been holding on when I need to let go and open up to new experiences.  When my family moved last Spring, I began the process of saying goodbye to some well-loved and familiar faces and places.  I had to let go of the wonderful preschool where my eldest son was nurtured for two years.  Now he will start a new school.  Letting go of the local column I wrote when I moved to a new town was a sort of personal loss that I mourned.  These are two of many examples. 

Letting go of good relationships that either disappear entirely or take on a new dynamic; this is the particular challenge my yoga teacher is facing with her college-aged son.  I am also facing that challenge with a very special person who was in my life for nearly a year.  He is a teacher and coach that I met when I was writing my former column.  I interviewed him in connection with some exciting work he was doing.  I was so impressed with him that I decided to sign on as one of his clients.  He is a stress relief coach, and as a Mom of toddlers, I was feeling a little stressed.  Little did I know that not only would he help me with my job as a Mom, but he would also help me rediscover my purpose outside of motherhood, and ultimately connect me with my higher self and spirituality in a way that would open me up to a world of new experiences.  I truly cherished the connection I had with him, to the point that I dreaded losing it.  When it came time for the relationship to end, I signed on for more coaching.   I did this because I was afraid of letting go of something good.  I was not sure what other sorts of people and experiences would come into my life to fill the void.  Like my yoga teacher, when I felt sad about letting go of that relationship, I pushed the sadness back down.  I still haven’t fully let go of the wonderful teacher/student dynamic I had with him, even though I know it is time for me to spread my wings. 

Already, I have amazing new people and experiences at my very doorstep.  It is time for me to let them in.  I am in a new church environment in my new hometown, with a wonderful pastor and congregation.  I am happy to be actively involved in the church organization with my husband.  My pastor is an invaluable teacher and source of support.  My interfaith seminary program begins this fall, and I can’t contain my excitement about interacting with the other students and teachers traveling this path with me.  Even my yoga class with such a gifted teacher is relatively new for me.  I had to stop attending my regular number of classes at my old studio in order to allow this new one to come into my life.  My favorite yoga teacher at my old studio: don’t even get me started on her!  There is no way I am letting her go anytime soon.  I drive out of my way half an hour to maintain that connection, even though I have fantastic yoga options where I live now!  With some things, it’s “never say die.” 

Putting our focus on the new good makes it easier to release the old good.  Hope and optimism help us persevere in the face of change.  That spoonful of new beginnings helps us swallow the bitter pill of saying goodbye.  One thought occurred to me after class today: the word “goodbye” contains the word “good”!  There must be a good reason for that. 

Sin, Suffering, Satan and Samsara

My church pastor has a copy of the book, Living Buddha, Living Christ on his desk.  My father recommended that book to me in 1995 when it came out.  I have a copy by my bedside.  In attending a Christian church regularly for the first time in many years, I am working with my cultural tradition in the context of my blended spiritual practice.  

One of my yoga teachers, Cara Sax, has been talking to her students about the yama and the niyama in the Yoga Sutras.  The yama and the niyama are the “do’s” and “don’ts” of the yogic path.  Yama means “abstinence” and niyama means “observance.”  To me these teachings are very similar to the Ten Commandments in the Bible.  From the Yoga Sutras of Patanjali, as translated and presented by Sri Swami Satchidananda, Sutra 30 reads: “Yama consists of non-violence, truthfulness, non-stealing, continence, and non-greed.” Sutra 32: “Niyama consists of purity, contentment, accepting but not causing pain, study of spiritual books and worship of God [self-surrender].”

I am grateful beyond measure for the wonderful teachers God is bringing into my path, from traditions that are rich and varied.  I have tried to explain to Christians how my practice is not so much about the worship of various deities.  It is more about devotion to God and dedication to uncovering spiritual truth and applying it in my life.  It is more about having faith that through practice, God may lead me into more wisdom.  Most of all, it is about getting closer to God and allowing more love and compassion into my life, so that I may share it with myself, my family and the world. 

I have never felt that learning about the Buddha and his teachings was a betrayal of Christ.  If anything, I feel that I can come closer to seeing Jesus in this way.  Particularly with the practice of yoga, I feel that worshipping God and organically integrating God’s spiritual laws into my life becomes easier.  Attending church and reading the Bible is wonderful; singing God’s praises in church is beautiful; practicing yoga is another form of worship and spiritual communion that can only enhance my beliefs.

When I hear about “sin” and “Hell” and “Satan”, I immediately think of what Buddhists and yogis speak of simply as “suffering.”  I think more specifically about avidya which translates as “ignorance,” and samsara which is the cycle of birth and death in which we are trapped without spiritual enlightenment.  All of these are words, and in the realm of Spirit, words are not only unnecessary; words simply fail.  I may prefer to use the words “suffering” and “ignorance” rather than sin or Hell.  Others may prefer the cultural concept of sin and they may want to personify the causes of suffering into a spiritual being they call “Satan.”  I cannot ever say with certainty that they are wrong.  In the same vein, I may prefer the word “enlightenment” while someone else likes to refer to “salvation.”  “Heaven” is a lovely word, but I like the word “Nirvana”; is it because it is more exotic?  I think it is because Heaven is such a culturally loaded concept that it has lost meaning for me. 

This sort of discussion tends to fire up a lot of Christians, and also many other people who are committed to the doctrine of one specific tradition.  They may say, “Salvation is a distinct concept and it needs to be embraced as such,” or they may say, “If you don’t believe in Satan he has you trapped.” Others may say, “Nirvana is nothing like Heaven.  They are entirely separate spiritual concepts.” Everyone is right, because these are words attached to ideas, born of cultures and traditions and written about by human beings.  And all of us, within this culture, are a bit like the blind leading the blind because our specific culture is so far removed from the ancient traditions we are attempting to follow. This is why I am committed to finding the commonality in all of these beautiful traditions and adhering to the universal, simple truths that each contain.  This is what we as humans are being called to do now, on this Earth, to bring salvation to ourselves and to our planet.

Here is what I am finding, personally: God is love. We call God by many names, but the name of God is sacred and hidden.  God takes away our suffering. God also allows us to learn through suffering.  God within us makes compassion possible.  We each have God within us.  God never leaves us.  God is always present: omnipresent, omnipotent, and omniscient.  Jesus Christ is God made man, and come into the world to ease our suffering.  Jesus was a real incarnation of God, and his spirit remains with us. There have been and will be other incarnations because of God’s great love for us.  (This last point is my major heresy as a Christian, although I have many others). 

Because I have God within me I do not fear death, Hell, sin or Satan.  I do not feel that I have to wholly embrace any religion or doctrine, though I feel compelled to respect them all. 

I am not surprised that my path has led me to study interfaith ministry formally, and when my seminary studies begin in January, I will certainly post more here about them.  I leave you with this Judeo-Christian blessing:

May the Lord bless you and keep you.

May the Lord make his face to shine upon you,
and be gracious unto you.

May the Lord lift up his countenance upon you,
and give you peace.

~Namaste

Mirror, Mirror, Off the Wall

This week we had a freak accident in our house.  While we were out for the day, the mirror in our master bathroom fell off the wall, hitting the sink handle on its way down.  The sink was running full blast for hours, flooding the bathroom with water that drained into the basement through light fixtures in the ceiling.  Upon our return, it was quite a sight to behold: flooded bathroom, flooded playroom, buckling ceiling. 

The incredible element of this story is not the freaky domino effect of the mirror turning on the water and the water running through basement light fixtures.  That is a somewhat believable chain of events.  What's really odd is that the mirror, having hit three hard surfaces, metal and tile, and landing face down on the floor...remained unbroken.  The only damage to the mirror was a small crack in its frame.  As I waded through the bathroom and turned the mirror over, I was pleasantly surprised to find it had not shattered.  My Scottish father-in-law said our family had been spared months of therapy.  No bad luck omen for us this time around.  In fact, I think the unbroken mirror is a very good omen. 

I am a believer in synchronicity, divine intervention, signs from the spiritual realm...and many other cooky and mystical things.  Hence, I find our recent household "accident" to be a positive sign.  My slightly psychic Mom agrees with me.  A mystical friend and teacher suggested that I look into the significance of the mirror and water symbolism inherent in the event.  So here is what I came up with:

The mirror symbolizes perception.  On a large scale, the mirror points to the way we interpret external reality through the lenses of our mind and senses.  On a smaller scale, the mirror points to self-perception.  Water is one of the four universal elements (the others being fire, air and earth).  Water is formless.  When it is calm, it clearly reflects what surrounds it.  When it flows, it is a force of transformation.  Heraclitus said, "No man ever steps in the same river twice, for it's not the same river, and he's not the same man."  Cascading water is a powerful image of the flow of life, which always brings change.  

Our mirror fell face down into water flowing powerfully down, like a waterfall.  In this occurrence, I see perception in motion and the power of flow moving the formless.  What can this mean on a personal level? It made me think about identity.  Over the course of our lives, within our home life, as we age and as we grow, our identities can dramatically shift and change--and this is a beautiful thing.  Change and transformation are gifts, and we are not broken by these gifts...rather, we are enhanced.  If we trust the flow of life and move away from rigidity, we are not brittle.  We are not easily broken.  

My mother had a similarly uplifting interpretation of our household omen.  She said the mirror remaining unbroken was a message from God, symbolizing strength in the midst of what may appear chaotic on the surface. Even in the midst of change and turmoil, strength remains intact. She said that such an accident occurring within the home points to the resiliency of our family unit.  I agree.  I also feel like there is a personal message for yours truly.  It is the mirror I use most often as it is too high for my boys, and my husband shaves in the shower.  I feel like for me, the meaning is that a period of intense transformation is winding down and I will come out of it with my inner strength and beauty intact.  Might be good to remain aware of narcissism creeping into my habits, just to top things off. 

On a practical note, we like our insurance adjuster.  We're getting a check.  A contractor is lined up to fix the ceiling.  Our rug is being restored.  And we found some stronger wall anchors for that mirror.  This is it, by the way:

More Yin, please...

It’s supposed to be Yin/Yang.  I feel like my life is Yang/Yin/Yang.  There’s a whole lotta Yang with a little Yin thrown in sometimes.  Yin and Yang being abstract concepts, I’ll offer my own interpretation here.  I have always learned that Yin is the softer, more feminine, receptive and passive side of experience.  Some say it is darker.  Yang is the active, strong, masculine and productive side. 

To me, meditation feels more Yin and prayer feels more Yang.  When I pray, I talk to God, often out loud.  When I meditate (far less often these days) I am quiet and still. 

With my two young sons and my boisterous husband, I feel like I am constantly surrounded by the Yang element.  So far, I am also an aunt to boys only.  I grew up with sisters.  Fortunately one of them is pregnant with a girl!  Until I was 15, I saw my sisters part time since they have a different Mom.  When I was not at their house, I was living with my Mom.  I had my own prissy little room.  I daydreamed a lot.  I spent time by myself.  My life was more Yin than Yang.  When I was with my sisters, we were active and playful…but we were girls. 

This past weekend one of my sisters visited me (the unmarried one).  She arrived with her little white Maltese dog.  She stayed to help our family celebrate my son’s third birthday and Father’s Day.  With all of the Yang that surrounds me, I was very grateful to have that extra Yin thrown into the mix! Interspersed with the excited squeals of boys running up and down the house and yard, the excitement of a kid’s party, the presence of my two year old nephews—I got to enjoy talking with my sister about hair, clothes, shoes, men from a woman’s perspective, memories of our teen years and the crushes we had then…it seemed magical.  We did yoga in the living room, oblivious to the shouts of my sons.  We sat on a blanket outside drinking rosé and listening to women folk artists sing about love.  Some of that may sound active to you, but to me it was blissfully Yin. 

This week I am back to my familiar Yang fest.  Just today, I took my boys out for lunch at the local diner.  It wasn’t much of a lunch for me.  Just after we sat down, my youngest asked me in a loud, screechy voice, “Mommy, do you have a tiny penis?” Of course my other son found that riotously funny and laughed his new hearty, guttural laugh that he uses to impress his friends.  The remainder of the lunch I heard a number of loud penis jokes and was repeatedly asked why I do not have a penis and told that I must have a very tiny one.  Of course, the table was a drum and when they weren’t talking about genitalia they were banging on the table with the toy cars they brought inside.  When I took those away, they used their forks.  When I took those away… you get the picture. 

I know they love me, these males who share my home.  They can be sweet.  The little ones are affectionate.  But all three of them are loud.  Their humor doesn’t always suit me.  And while 90% of the time it’s funny to see them running circles around my bed with my underwear on their heads and dragging my sundress behind them—10% of the time I really wish they had vaginas.  Then in a few years we could really share the dresses…but probably not the underwear. 

I’d like more Yin, please.  

Team Jesus: My Kind of Sangha

The name of this blog, Meta Vie, means “a life in transformation.”  Used as a prefix, “meta” means change or transformation, hence the word, “metamorphosis.”  Vie is, of course, the French word for life.  When I originally named the blog I liked the more current definition of meta: self-referential.  By blogging, I am engaging in a writing process that is nothing more than the written reference of my own ongoing transformation. 

Writing is an amazing tool for growth; we can record and track our progress along life’s journey.  My grandparents kept written journals, some of which I have shared here.  This is my electronic journal.  As I look back at entries from 2009, I am entertained and inspired by the changes that have taken place within me since that time.  I am sometimes equally amused when I see entries from just a few months ago. 

I wrote a post last September about reconciling my Christianity with my other spiritual inclinations and practices.  It was called, “My Nebulous Spirituality.” http://meta-vie.blogspot.com/2010/09/my-nebulous-spirituality.html  I was moved to write it after getting embroiled in an argument about Christians and the supposed bad rap they get—and about what it means to be a Christian.  I found myself disclaiming Christianity as a cultural label and at a real loss for what to call myself and my path.  I never disclaimed that Jesus Christ is my master.  I simply wanted some distance between myself and the common modern portrait of a Christian.  I am rethinking that now. 

Spiritual practice on one’s own is a good thing.  Spiritual practice within a community is even better.  After many years of going it alone, I have decided that I need the support of other believers… and I need it consistently.   

Since moving to a new town with my family, I have been regularly attending services at the Lutheran church down the street from us.  I have found great comfort in participating in the rituals I was raised with: praying as a congregation, taking communion, reciting the mass, singing hymns and scripture.  Regularly seeing and talking with other people of faith brings me contentment.  In yoga and in Buddhism, practitioners use the Sanskrit words, “Sukha” and “Santosha”, which roughly translate as comfort and contentment.  Consistent spiritual practice brings us sukha and santosha.  In Buddhism, the spiritual community is referenced as the “Sangha.” In Yoga, the community is called a “Kula.”  In the US of A, we like to call it “Church” or “Temple.”

Yoga practice will always be a part of my life.  Buddhist meditation is a refuge for me, always.  Jesus is still my favorite teacher and the divine incarnation that I choose to worship.  I needed a real Sangha and I found one, within a community of other Christian believers.  This is a huge step for me.  I plan to follow it through and have volunteered to act as the church Treasurer to affirm my commitment.  As my pastor wrote to me, “Lutherans have a tendency to enter into a new church slowly and build up to greater involvement; or not. This is in rather stark contrast to the urgency expressed by Jesus in the gospel of Mark, the call to discipleship throughout the gospels, and the cost of discipleship spelled out in Matthew's gospel.”  The time has come in my life to consider what it means to believe in Jesus; if I believe, then am I also a follower?  If I am a follower, does that make me a disciple?  Within my Sangha, it does.  My Pastor continued, “The Christian vocation leads us to new areas of commitment where called.”  The Sangha asked me to serve as Treasurer.  I think that means I am called.  So… yes, Lord, send me!

I am grateful to have found a Christian Sangha and the strength of conviction to actively participate in it.